Relationships evolve as people evolve, but sometimes it is hard to recognize and embrace evolution. If relationships have seen trauma, it is especially frightening to let go of the past. It often feels safer to continue to brace yourself against what is perceived as impending pain, but what is often really ghosts of the relationship’s past or scars from relationships that have passed. How many of us have experienced looking at a friend or a partner and the version of the person we see is not who they currently are, but who they were when they hurt us? How many of us have looked at ourselves and the version of ourselves that we see is not who we currently are, but who we were when we participated in self-sabotage?

 Trauma can be haunting and when you are still in a relationship (the relationship you have with yourself, a friendship, romantic relationship, or familial relationship) that was once characterized by trauma, you may find it difficult to accept evolution and change. Accepting evolution and change and letting go of previous versions of a relationship can be extremely scary because it requires a large amount of vulnerability. Many of us have negative associations with vulnerability because, mentally, we see a connection between our vulnerability and our trauma. Vulnerability does not conjure trauma. The trauma you have experienced is not the fault of your decision to be vulnerable. Vulnerability does not make you weak. When someone you love and care about puts in honest and genuine work to improve themselves and advance the relationship you have with them and when you have decided to continue to be a part of the healthier version of the relationship, you must do yourself a favor and live in the present and plan for the future. Continue to trust, continue to be vulnerable, and continue to heal. If you have done the self-work needed to grow and glow, finding ways to release your trauma will propel you forward and lead to increase in all facets of life.

If you find it difficult to let go of trauma, seek out support. Drowning in trauma will negatively impact all of your healthy relationships. The most important relationship that trauma will deplete and debilitate is the one that you have with yourself. As you evolve, allow your relationship with yourself to evolve as well. Forgive yourself and embrace the ways in which you have changed. Embrace progression. You owe it to yourself.