Are you an empath or do you lack healthy boundaries? Many of us have learned to guard our flaws by dressing them up nicely and calling them something else. 2020 was a year of awakening for me and as time progressed, I was able to identify many of the untruths I had told myself.  Untruths are stories you tell yourself that you believe to be true, but are not actually true or don’t have to be true. One of the harmful untruths I had internalized was that feeling the emotions of others and taking them on as my own baggage was an attribute of a kind, loving person. I siphoned off my own peace and freedom and kept my own alignment in a choke hold by acting out the self-sacrificial lamb role over and over again. I deserved an Oscar and I needed an emotional rehab center. Lacking boundaries, which I concealed and coded as empathy, became synonymous with my name. Toxic empathy, my version of lacking personal boundaries, became my identity and I relished in what I now realize was a form of emotional self-harm. 

As someone who is working on being a reformed toxic empath, I have practiced the art of questioning the origin of my feelings. Questions that I have found to be helpful are as follows: Is this mine? Does this belong to me or did I pick this up from someone else? Is this about me or am I making this about me? 

Check in with your vibration regularly, especially when you are around someone you really care about. If a person you love walks into a room you are in with emotions that differ from how you felt before they entered the room, and you know you are trying to cease practicing toxic empathy, the first step is to turn your self-awareness up. Practice positive self-talk that will remind you what’s yours is yours and what’s theirs is theirs. You can support someone you love through their emotions without taking them on and making them your own. Establishing emotional boundaries that are healthy is an act of self-love. Love yourself in 2021. Love yourself always.