How beautiful would it be if individuals were unaware of the pressures of the world that force them to say “Yes” when they want to say “No”?

“No” is a powerful word with a terrible reputation. The person who wields a “No” is seen as difficult, obstinate, or mean. “No” often feels like the enemy of progress or freedom instead of the verbal representation of a boundary being drawn. “No” feels like an external attack instead of a symbol of internal validation. Internal validation is the validation of one’s experiences, emotions, and thoughts. It is knowing, embracing, and leaning into what you feel without self-judgement. 

“Yes” is also a powerful word when it is delivered in the absence of coercion. It comes with a lot of risk. The person who asserts “Yes” is opening themselves up to newness. Everyone loves to receive a “Yes”, but you know what word I love even more? I love the word “No”. So, today we talk about the stepchild of words: the word “No”. “No” isn’t the stepchild of words because stepchildren are bad. “No” is a stepchild because it is often misunderstood.  We need to shift our understanding of the word “No”. I want to specify that we are talking about “No’s” given with clarity and not as an instinctual response birthed from trauma. That type of “No” deserves its own discussion. 

“No’s” given are lines redrawn in the sand. “No’s” are an act of protest against the indoctrination of a misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, and racist world. A “No” out of the mouth of a person is evidence of love, bravery, and loyalty directed inward. It is an abbreviated version of the pledge of allegiance to the entity that matters the most on earth: oneself.  

I want my child to be comfortable with “No”. I want “No” to feel like a close friend. A friend that isn’t imaginary. One he brings to the house and introduces to everyone. I want my child to have a strong enough allegiance to himself that he isn’t afraid to say “No” when “No” feels like the right response… even if he is saying “No” to me.